It was December, 2004. I was new to the blogging world, and with the burning desire to express myself efficiently, that I learnt. I got the contacts many of the bloggers and their blogs that used to draw my attention towards them, so do I used to.
And this blogger used to be a girl, many years younger to me. I was just regular reader of the blog. Due to some comments, good ones of mine, it became personal mails, in number not more than two or three, that included a third blog friend.
And while writing on a public place, I used to be some kind of not so confident those days. The confidence came when I joined Hindi bloggers (of north Indians) (and the brotherhood I carry in that group is ‘exemplary’ ).
Emotionally sick persona of mine ! One day I wrote a letter to that girl with casual approach (To repeat, no-way for friendship) ,as she had some connections with our institution. The reply, I got was correct in her point of view – the summary was – “no net friendship”. Each paragraph of mine was replied with a paragraph. No salutation – no ending ! The language of the mail was quite different than her blog !
The basic humanity – that we believe, found no place as the nature of net is – full of ambiguity.
I was depressed for two days – why I was replied so badly? When I wrote for want of constructive criticism. I didn’t asked even, why she wrote so to me ?
Only thing that stops me taking a revenge, – the lines, again from Ma – “God has sent you here after making you elder, never equalize after taking revenge ! “
But I was replied for something good !
The classes of immersing classical music only relieved me those days, still unknown to my family members.
Did I changed to her ? No, never ever ! I maintained that till level of blog for full two years, what I was to what I am.
One day we meet in real life for some another work. And that must be time, when she might have found that I am same or may be better than the another ‘net person’.
I still no-way can think of a friendship with her, though I do carry a lot of respect for her as a person having human limitations, adding to the fact for somethings, I was inspired without her knowledge. I guess today, when she interacts with me in real life, she trusts me like her another elder brother. Hope she may read this someday.
I guess to improve the writings, apart from blog, it took around 2 years to reach from (im)maturity level to this current level, which you can judge better. Now the things have reversed. There are some very good readers (some of them rarely put comments) without real life interaction, and I do stay on a level of trust that I am writing this post, without hesitation or fear of relations, I have made here.
The lesson from the letter was – I was not trusted based on my words. And the tears that afternoon made me more determined that – lets us see – whether my words can become my identity or not !
I have just started the journey through my 5-elemental life medium, to continue some inherited stuff, and I do strongly believe that someone will carry it forward one day. For the time beling, I am, was and will remain the same.