April 4 , 2007

Welcome to the world,
– The Baby !

Today mother feels,
A complete woman.
Today father feels,
A complete man.

As a son,
To bring smiles,
To parent-in-laws.

You have brought,
Challenges – first,
Never like today.
Hope dear Godly baby –
You have the answers !

But I am sure,
Baby – you are different,
Something different,
And you are special –
To follow –
My Dear Lucky !

Blessing you dear
Your lone Mama-
For more reasons,
That only my,
Last so many years know.

With my tears,
For Krishna’s feet,
From the inner core-
My dear,
This day is for You.

One day – A letter

It was December, 2004. I was new to the blogging world, and with the burning desire to express myself efficiently, that I learnt. I got the contacts many of the bloggers and their blogs that used to draw my attention towards them, so do I used to.

And this blogger used to be a girl, many years younger to me. I was just regular reader of the blog. Due to some comments, good ones of mine, it became personal mails, in number not more than two or three, that included a third blog friend.

And while writing on a public place, I used to be some kind of not so confident those days. The confidence came when I joined Hindi bloggers (of north Indians) (and the brotherhood I carry in that group is ‘exemplary’ ).

Emotionally sick persona of mine ! One day I wrote a letter to that girl with casual approach (To repeat, no-way for friendship) ,as she had some connections with our institution. The reply, I got was correct in her point of view – the summary was – “no net friendship”. Each paragraph of mine was replied with a paragraph. No salutation – no ending ! The language of the mail was quite different than her blog !

The basic humanity – that we believe, found no place as the nature of net is – full of ambiguity.

I was depressed for two days – why I was replied so badly? When I wrote for want of constructive criticism. I didn’t asked even, why she wrote so to me ?

Only thing that stops me taking a revenge, – the lines, again from Ma – “God has sent you here after making you elder, never equalize after taking revenge ! “

But I was replied for something good !

The classes of immersing classical music only relieved me those days, still unknown to my family members.

Did I changed to her ? No, never ever ! I maintained that till level of blog for full two years, what I was to what I am.

One day we meet in real life for some another work. And that must be time, when she might have found that I am same or may be better than the another ‘net person’.

I still no-way can think of a friendship with her, though I do carry a lot of respect for her as a person having human limitations, adding to the fact for somethings, I was inspired without her knowledge. I guess today, when she interacts with me in real life, she trusts me like her another elder brother. Hope she may read this someday.

I guess to improve the writings, apart from blog, it took around 2 years to reach from (im)maturity level to this current level, which you can judge better. Now the things have reversed. There are some very good readers (some of them rarely put comments) without real life interaction, and I do stay on a level of trust that I am writing this post, without hesitation or fear of relations, I have made here.

The lesson from the letter was – I was not trusted based on my words. And the tears that afternoon made me more determined that – lets us see – whether my words can become my identity or not !

I have just started the journey through my 5-elemental life medium, to continue some inherited stuff, and I do strongly believe that someone will carry it forward one day. For the time beling, I am, was and will remain the same.

Harvesting casual blogging

Have I ever asked myself, like all the bloggers, why do I blog, frequently / infrequently ? Yes, I did asked, and the answer is like most of you, just to pen down ‘something’. It has been well proved in the blogosphere that, if literary interest is there, this hobby of reading – writing , turns out as addiction becomes quite difficult to leave. At some place, I have read – A post a day, keeps the doctor away ! Like everyone, my blog too surfed several ups and down. Long back, one time at the verge of complete deletion ! And fortunately, it stood stronger with self will.

I am trying hard to be just-me and not ME, and look around. There is much more around ‘me’, that’s moving with a surprising consistency, and I am just a part of it. “Do look outward” vibrations of these lines do help me. Be it managing the team at workplace or family, outward look, paid well. And here in blogging outward looking is write ups on the society, economy, politics, science, literature and so one. On these topics, though I always have written casually, there have been times, they are taken to be published as the content of other sites too. This is the fourth time, when something written as just another pieces of write-ups got prominent place at another site. For many writers this is “what’s important about it? “. For me, if nothing important, these kept me boosting, at least. I had at least risen quite far above the complexion of “No one reads me !” as I had in early days of blogging. I am in a wider circle of readers now.

Now, I did feel happy when my casual writings on “Rubberi devi” and “Tea-production” has been taken to be published in Bihar dedicated site‘s content. Thanks to the self – starters of the site, Shalini and his team and their unconventional hobby.

I was told that normal human don’t use, even 15% of their potential. I will keep writing. I have nothing much to give you apart from these words as long as I have necessary supports to grow.

Fostering the generations

At the childhood, all the children of one family look same, and so do happens same in next generation too. And after two generation, between two individuals of same age group , much of difference can be seen.

This reality hit me hard, when I was at nani’s place in holidays for a short time.

Beginning childhood, initially every individual gets same set of facilities / punishments, but later on individual themselves chooses out the preferred one. Keep apart the facts of individuality, but there is something more important, that makes a huge difference of status so do the thinking level between two individual, divided out of two branches of same tree trunk.

When both individual from two respective generations meet, if the status difference is much, one feels inferior to other and vice verse. I am not a student of sociology or related discipline, thus I dare not to go in-depth. But in plain words, I can say that its the attitude of growth with added education.

Of course at the moment some individual remains there with willingness intact, who becomes the pillar of saplings for growth.

Though the scenario at nani’s place had been much glittering, had my nani was permitted to do the teacher’s job and continue with her education. On just seeing her reading a book, the English school inspector gave her an appointment letter.

Meet her to know her. Now she may be around 70 + . Still today her memory is extraordinarily sharp. About people, places and events, her narration is flawless. I keep looking to her, as her narration is always well weaved. If I give her story books / novel to read, she can finish up faster than me. She can recite without mistake, the long poems at a stretch, she learnt / read sometimes. A perfect pativrata – a perfect Devi “Savitri”, as her name is. I would rather not comment on this , as they are happy with each other, and more in love, it seems. When I was child, I stayed with nani at village for about one year, as Pinky was just born and Ma’s exams were there along with school ! Though at village, her ill maintained cracked feet and toes pained me, but practically I am for use of hers now.

This time while having lunch, she was making me understand the Bengali poem of Michael Madhusudan Dutt, who wrote one for her mother (And consequently she was, pouring more rice in my plate between my no-no hands). She was making me understand , how Micheal missed the mother and motherland in later life.

My nani tells, how she managed the family with a nana’s head-clerk’s job and deed-honesty. He was the first Matric pass of the area ! Her family grew up educated at higher level than nana’s other brother’s family. Now today, she feels contented a bit with some dreams fulfilled as she is the secretary of the middle school’s society.

The current generation is stable now, but still, I do guess, the next 20 years will bring a remarkable difference again, as apart from education there are something more, that’s called values related to integrity. These may be related to personality, family or social place.

Education available at hand is not everything, but the tendency to pick them up for right situation matters. I have seen families, when a famous surgeon’s needed Rs. 15 lakhs donation to admit his son for a MBBS degree from a private college. Famous professor son is unable to find a primary teacher’s job. And the landlord’s son is trying to sell of paternal property, and “thinking hard to decide” to start some business.

Ma tells / warns these things this way – ” I have all material things of my own, just my own. Thankfully – God have given you all body parts intact. The best education opportunities are given to you. Now make your own destiny. ” For a long time, I did not understood this statement.

About inherited property, she gives example of big Jewelery houses, Tatas and Ambani’s whose business is still carried up by the generation next with prosperity added. The basic ingredient that carried them forward : the tendency to excel, the tendency to struggle of own, the tendency to be strong enough to stand on own feet without much support.

Tendencies intact, when the bed of roses, material or abstract, comes by heredity, then they are luckiest, if they can see the opportunity in front of them.

Music for Life – 2 (Ghazals)

सुबह सुबह इक ख्व़ाब की, दस्तक पर दरवाजा खुला देखा,
सरहद के उस पार से कुछ मेहमान आये थे,
आँखों से मायुस थे सारे, चेहरे सारे सुने सुनाए,
पाँव धोये, हाथ धुलाए, आँगन में आसन लगवाये,
और तन्दुर पे मक्के के कुछ मोटे-मोटे रोटी पकाये,
पोटली में मेहमान मेरे, पिछले सालों के फसलों का गुड़ लाये थे ।

आँख खुली तो देखा घर में कोई नही था ।
हाथ लगाकर देखा तो तन्दुर अभी तक बुझा नहीं था,
और होठों पे मीठे गुड़ का जाय़का अब तक चिपक रहा था
ख्वाब था शायद ख्वाब ही होगा
सरहद पे
सुना है कल रात चली थी गोली,
स़रहद पे कल रात सुना है – कुछ ख्वावों का खू़न हुआ है ।

The preface of the song इक पुराना मौसम लौटा – in Marasim.

Year 1999, the one day in Air Force Station as a frequent guest of my friend, Subhash, from Haryana. And on a afternoon, I was lying comfortable on the bed. Subhash told me to hear a new cassette he bought and put it in the cassette player. I had listened only few lines. And it was enough capable to vibrate the dormitory. And the heavy solemn voice of Jagjit Singh, and so the waves vibrated my soul, leading it to somewhere. The Album was Marasim by Jagjit Singh.

Haath chute bhi to rishtey nahi choda karte..was the one of Ghazal there, and yes, where is Subhash today, I don’t know. He may be with his children at some air force station. And his memories are still with me. The connecting string to him everytime is Marasim.

I took out the lyrics leaflet out of the cassette. I read the urdu composition of Gulzar. Though at home, Pankaj Udhas was only to bring ghazal’s emotional touch and worth to mention “Ghunghru tut gayi”. And I think its real vibration matching airs around us that, I got friends with common interests, where ever I go.

And the ghazal maestro Jagjit Singh had an existence in pictures and timeless ghazals. It was a bliss to see the maestro performing at the live function here in Bangalore. Though organiser could have arranged the live performance in an efficient accoustic hall, hence to bring out the minute details of her unique style of fluctuating the vocal cord, that is audiable in the CD sound system at home.

Later on I heard about the private life of the maestro, when they lost their son, Vivek agee 21 years, I was really shocked, which can never be compensated to him by all his acquired fame and satisfaction. Whenever I hear Jagjit & Chitra singing together, I wish, may not God make any absolutely perfect couple, if there lies such a great pain to suffer in the completness. The couple’s dedication towards music is great, even after pain they tried to share the pain of lakhs of his fans with few more albums.

With due respect to his private life, I do wonder the reason behind of his unique rendition of inner human feelings in the air. And this is one way one can understand and share the pains of others. These poetic rendition comes out, when there is some untold, unknown pains lies within.

Ghazals have quite different essence and style than song. The choosen words of poetry, the weaving style to bring out feelings is the first lyrics expertise. Then the rendition, who delivers with a voice, that must have deep feeling of abstract 6th sense apart from all forms. To me hearing the poetic recitation of Ghazals proves to be the best thing for the solitory moments.

These are the companion of those feelings that waves into the sea of thoughts. Thoughts of relations, those tied forever, those broken up, those which could not be tied and all those which still binds the world with invisible strings.

P.S.: More than 6 years passed off and Subhash was out of touch, and the day I had finished writing this post, Subhash found me on Orkut after a lot of search. Is it just a coincidence or something unexplained ever !

Aptitude – Attitude – Altitude

These three words look same on the first glance and make the whole difference with just permutation of three alphabets ‘ p ‘ , ‘ t ‘ , ‘ l ‘ .

This context came from a altogether different weekends of mine. Batulda site was irrepairable down since last week, due to some technical glitches.

Today my whole day with junior sister spent to bring the site up after remaking it again. As Batulda’s wish was there should be a quote on each page. For the time being I have kept a quote that I loved most and its needed to all of us, who feels student at heart. Though at the place, there will be dynamically changing ‘quote of the day’ later on. A lot of work is to be done for the site, but for the time being everyone is happy to see that site is up.

So the quote that I put was:
“Today’s students can put dope in their veins or hope in their brains. If they can conceive it and believe it, they can achieve it. They must know it is not their aptitude but their attitude that will determine their altitude.”

What struck me this quote is, yesterday’s reference of a another girl. She carried ( all 70% plus) and contractual experience of 1 year in the industry.

And she told me she is still unable to find a job, she wanted to meet me for some suggestions to find out a job in the industry.These kind of people, really need some support to get up. They don’t want to hang up too. But they lack the dedicated attitude that is required to project their aptitude right. So without the right attitude, their minimum altitude move to the higher plane. And in the long run they loose their confidence level.

I have good as well as bad experiences in this regard, when I decided to join postal courses bidding bye to engineering admissions. It was really difficult to be a self learner, especially in technical course, but at last of my masters I was determined that I will do my project work in health informatics system in NIMHANS or Manipal Hospitals. At NIMHANS, I was not allowed to enter the library beyond three consecutive days as following the rules for the outsider. Somehow I found a place to sit in editor’s room, actually to spend time and collect data from booklets / manuals. Weeks went off like that.

No project guide. I had my rough design of project work ready done in paper and html files in floppies. One day, I got a chance to show my drafts to the editor about my project needs for suggestions. He felt sympathy for me. He suggested me to meet some professors in statistics and psychopharmocology department. Now at least I got his reference, editor Sri Gopalakrishnan. I used this reference to the concerned persons. Two of them felt sorry to help me.

Last reference was Pradhan sir. I saw him as, the father figure, sittting in the mainframe (complex) systems room. The dustfree, moisture controlled cool AC air entered my nostrils and from the tables glared me, were the huge monitors with moving protein structures.I fell in love with the place.

He listened to my proposal and laughed aloud and told me about the negligible importance of the project. And next he shot one quetion to me, ” Can you make toilets in your anscestral village, where it may not be there? ” Strange question,out of context, indeed it was ! What the man, he is, working on some of the best computers in India and asking me to make a toilet !

“Yes sir, I can make” – I replied affirmatively . “Okey than you can start the project here, come from yesterday” And rest is the history. Library, cafeteria, best computer systems and support was ready to help me even on the weekends, when dust covered the railings. I am looking for the day,when he will at the best position there. I came-up with a project work to his satisfaction, and recently praised by State Informatics Officer of Bihar. I am not bragging, but its my experiment, how attitude helped me out in some of the worst situations.

Still not having a tag of IITian with me, pains me many a times, its my attitude thats carrying me forward, surpassing my real aptitude, as well as many of my classmates who scored good in conventional aptitude tests. And that’s the reason, I am fearless of all the altitudes when I see upwards.

Geetanjali In Bengali Unicode

Geetanjali” literally means Geet(Song) + Anjali(Offerings) = “Song Offerings” to the God.

I have started the conversion of Kaviguru’s Nobel prize winning serenade to God, Geetanjali, in Bengali unicode. To the great genius Rabindranath Tagore, my efforts will be just a piece of respect after expanding its reach in the era of Internet. The word ‘Geetanjali’ is in some places written as ‘Gitanjali’ and it is as per Bengali pronunciation,its Gitanjoli. And I guess the ‘Geetanjali’ word seems better.

The need of hour is, I could not locate his original poems in unicode format on the net, though partial translations are there. Though It will require a lot of expertise for doing the translation as per my current level of confidence, thus I shall put only the Roman transription alongwith.

Past to Present 5 – Milk to Kheer

I was just few months old, fully depending on Ma, impatient baby, crying enough to get her up without delay from very early mornings sleep.

Those days again, Papa’s left leg pain recurred severely. Failing all tiring massages and local treatment, Maa, mostly alone that time, with all took him to Kurji Hospital, Patna, with all her courage, limited money and jewellery . There he needed Mylogram of spinal cord. Its a very painful and expensive process. Once Mylogram was done, doctors declared that there is tumour in the spinal cord’s specific vein, hence the pain in connecting leg, hence only operation is the only alternative.

He could not be admitted to Kurji Hospital, as that was out of our financial reach. The only option remained was govt hospital , PMCH. But with a baby of 2 months, general ward was a painful option for her and operation will require at least 3 months of stay.

There used to be cabin type rooms in hospitals, but the place of Bihar’s capital, Patna and availablity of cabin for common poeple was almost impossible, and those cabin gets booked in advance. Somehow she got the information that some cabin no. — is vacant. But the respective official denied any vacancy altogether.

She reconfirmed about the vacancy again, from the less imporant persons of hospital – the peons, and returned to Kurzi to feed me, cook food for themselves.

I must had seen all the things from their laps with my little open eyes !

Next day was Friday, again her constant want for answer with destiny and the Almighty, she left room in very morning after puja, and went directly to the residence of health minister of Bihar. A simple saree clad young woman, waiting for Health minister in morning. The other persons told her to take an appointment with his PA, and get slip. She kept silent and waited another hour.

As health minister came out of house and hurried to white ambassador, she walked from side and stood in front of her, folding her palms in the gesture of pranaam. Seeing a young married woman in this gesture, his humanity speak out, ” Beti kya pareshani hai tumhe”.

“Sir mere husband ka spinal cord ka operation PMCH mein hona hai, aur saath mein 2 mahine ka beta hain humara. Suna hai cabin no … khali hai. Agar aapki kripa ho to aap mujhe woh dilwa sakte hain. Badi kripa hoti”. Without delay, he ordered his PA to call hospital authorities and book the cabin”

White Ambassador started off. And carried the infinite blessings of a lone woman.

She came back Kurzi and took prasad and did all mother’s and wife’s duties. What she took, I am not sure. She hurried off to the Hospital again.

She was standing and waiting for busy authorities’ attention, again for a cabin request. The officer saw her standing again. Now he was out of control. He fired back on her shouting ,” Mam, after repeatedly saying, why don’t you understand that the room is not vacant. You people never understand. See today Health Minister’s own people are coming. The room is booked for them. “

“You wouldn’t believe, see its booked in the name of M.P.Das” – he showed her the register.

She took out her paper calmly, that was given by health minister’s PA in my father’s name. Seeing the same name and the confidence of lone lady, he was dumb-struck. He called the peon and chairs, tea was being ordered, now useless to her.

He got admitted and got cured well (miraculously with both legs sound) after months of stay.

I learnt to take turns, crawl on hospital cabin floors. May be so, I have been dedicated to do something for hospitals. With the growth, my tooth grew one day , suddenly Ma observed. My annaprashana function could not be done.

Before growing teeth, Annaprashan is the function when Mama ji gives the first cereal to the baby as kheer prasadam. After that only the baby can be given whole cereals. And Ma did a small homely puja at hospital cabin and thought to give me cereals.

At the time there was one caretaker girl, brought from home, Bimla (didi). She disclosed the fact that she used to feed me milk and rice since many days before as I seemed to ask from her daily.

Maa was looking into her eyes and smiled at young girl Bimla didi and her care for me.

Entrepreneur

Looking back into,
Two & ten years from now ,
A small town unknown,
The guy on a bicycle,
One day someone stole that too.

Dry lips, thirsty throat.
Neglected, uncared.
Waiting for hours,
For those gates to open.
With the status,
Called ‘uncivlized’.
Who looks, no prob !
Who thinks, no prob !

Self became dust.
And tears determined,
Hopes intact,
Attitude stronger.

Grew from tears,
Fallen onto ground,
And determined seeds,
Germinated with rains,
Grown today as a plant,
Enough to survive.
At lease with an identity.

And intact is the same,
Just same tendency,
With nutrients of dreams,
Unrealized dreams,
Of growing bigger,
Though never is limit,
Of the dimension of ‘big’.
And still like some tree.
As a tree, growing roadside,
With some fruits,
For the hungry guys,
Like him.
With some shadow,
For tired travellers,
Like him.

For getting all those,
He always seeks,
A harse climate.
Much more pains,
Much more neglects,
And more inspirations.

Remembering Everyone Today

Remembering you, Ma,
For this day, for all your pains,
Leading to your joys.
Your questions to ‘Her’ !
Exact day, exactly answered !

Remembering you, Baba,
For this day, of your happiness,
Leading to your completeness,
Your links of traditions,
Your support of today.

Remembering you, Mausi ji,
For this day, for all your promptness,
Leading to my post natal care,
Your hopes for good tips,
For sisterly care for the lone lady.

Remembering last three decades,
For this day, all the growth,
Leading to an human identity,
Everyones’ hopes for me.
For all, I still need to give them back.

Remembering Everyone Today.